12. 12. 2007. 08:57

Baedekker

"Budapest is a nation that’s great and free. / Budapest has an area of roughly its own size, even larger if we include all the holes. / Budapest is the City of Cities, World of Insects, Planet of the Apes, etcetera."

Budapest is a nation that’s great and free.
Budapest has an area of roughly its own size, even larger if we include all the holes.
Budapest is the City of Cities, World of Insects, Planet of the Apes, etcetera.
Budapest has a highest peak of G.
Budapest traces its origins back to the beginnings of the world, a time of relative peace when citizens weren’t yet racked with irresistable compulsions to destroy life on this planet.
Budapest terrace has a view of the sea.
Budapest is quite unique in its topography, ringed by shopping malls, and with a whole world in between.
Budapest, we love you.
Budapest in terms of per capita deep sea diving disasters is a very safe town indeed.
Budapest  has a sparkling high life, non-sparkling for lowlives.
Budapest has its poets carved in stone, sit upon their arses, watching it go down.
Budapest holds nasty surprises for lovers of European civilization: yellow grass sprouting from an iron pot, and tweaked parking meters too.
Important advice for visitors to Budapest:
One, before you leave, don’t forget to turn the water heater off!
Two, tie your shoe.
Three, three and a half.
Four, don’t be a pain!
Five, don’t pester me!
Six, don’t say another word!
Seven, don’t go to Budapest!
In terms of genetic engineering, Budapest has an incredible growth rate, but not always, because sometimes even the tastiest (flame-grilled!) burgers take at least a second to arrive.
Budapest boasts sights both fantastic and innumerable, such as my son, or my other son, or Gül Baba's Türbe, or even more so that squatting shrub down by the Rókus hospital with a certain very, very peculiar ability.
Budapest spring consists of seventeen moments. Summer is already smothered, still autumn is here. With the onset of winter in Budapest, the first snow banks avalanche from the rooftops.
Budapest is occasionally engulfed in spilled blood and/or a lake of fire, on such occasions it is safest to relocate to a Southern Californian resort of your choice. Budapest is a small town, Budapest is a major city, Budapest is a Virág-metropolis.
Generally everything in Budapest is always alright, so day in day out absolutely everyone rejoices,
even people on the blue Búbosbanka Street,
and even those on glum Szomory Dezso Square,
and so do I,
except when disaster strikes,
which is when I break my arms and legs as I run to escape all manners of blood-foaming bandits, zig-zagging along the night lights of Múzeum körút, dodging into an alley, properly concealing myself in an asphalt fissure and from thenceforth I hold my breath and clench my thighs and wait for a Bucher CityCat 2020 XL model (regenerative collector bin and precision sprayer pistol equipped!) professional sweeping machine and dawn to thunder over me.


Translated by: Dániel Dányi

Tags: Virág Erdős